Arthur vs Mary Moo Cow (Baby Show)
by GGMK
Summary: This is it! After years of teasing, Arthur will battle Mary Moo Cow! Who can win? Who will Die? What will Arthur's friends do? Find out (or not) inside. ONE SHOT! May get a sequel.


_Mary Moo Cow_ may have been the worst show ever. At the very least, it had to be the worst show that Arthur had the displeasure of watching. At least _Crazy Bus_ had that awesome series finale, where the bus turned rogue, and ran over a bunch of poor kids. Strangely, it was cancelled after that.

But as far as Arthur was concerned, _Mary Moo Cow_ had no redeeming qualities. It was about an annoying cow who sang dumb songs with little brats who couldn't hold a tune. Arthur made sure to tell all this to DW, who was currently watching the cow do some somersaults.

"Arthur, _Mary Moo Cow_ is great. Anyway, it's much better than that baby show – _The Love Ducks,_" DW said loudly. Arthur gasped. Did his own sister just call _The Love Ducks_ a baby show? This couldn't stand! Arthur had to teach her!

"Just because _The Love Ducks_ airs on a channel called Preschool Playhouse, doesn't mean it's aimed at babies!" Arthur stated, his head held high. DW sighed. Her brother could be dumb, really dumb.

"Arthur...all the shows on the Preschool Playhouse are aimed at toddlers. _Mary Moo Cow_ airs on the Slam Bang Wham channel, which also airs shows like _Crush Killer_ and _Bloody Window Sightings_. Which do you think is the baby show again?"

Arthur almost sobbed. No wonder his friends had teased him. But he quickly recovered.

"Ha, I was just kidding. I don't like that show at all. The only TV series I keep up with is _Bionic Bunny_, of course. The only problem is, I've missed the last couple of episodes. Actually, I really need to catch up," Arthur said, proud of his fast thinking. DW, annoyed, shoved him out of the room. She had a singing cow to watch.

* * *

At school the next day, Arthur was sitting at the cafeteria with his friends when…IT happened. He and his mates were discussing normal kid topics, like toys, clothing, and world peace, when Binky dropped the bomb.

"It's too bad that Bionic Bunny was forced to murder his long-lost brother. Those villains were mean, making him do that."

Brain nodded. "Yeah, I was hoping that Bionic Bunny wouldn't do that to his bro, but ah well. I guess he lacked the brain power to think of a way out."

Francine scoffed. "It's just like I've told you guys, Bionic Bunny is an idiot, like most men."

Arthur stiffened. Were his friends bashing Bionic Bunny's character? No way was he staying to listen to this! Arthur stood up loudly enough that everyone in the large cafeteria turned to him.

"What's wrong Arthur? Were the wooden benches too uncomfortable for your soft butt?" Muffy asked innocently. Arthur threw his food on the cold ground in rage. He then stood on the table, and raised his arms.

"I HATE YOU ALL, YOU LOSERS! BIONIC BUNNY IS THE BEST! HIS PLOTS ARE REALLY GOOD, NOT LIKE SUPERMAN AT ALL, AND THE SHOW TEACHES VALUABLE LIFE LESSONS LIKE HOW TO PUNCH OUT SOMEONE YOU DON'T LIKE WHICH IS WHY I PUNCHED BINKEY THAT ONE TIME! HOW COULD ANYONE DISLIKE BIONIC BUNNY?"

"Well…because Mary Moo Cow is better," Francine answered. Binky, Brain, and Muffy all nodded. Across the room, a shout of "Heck yeah!" could be heard. Everyone clapped. Arthur got so upset, his glasses got fogged up.

"If Mary Moo Cow is so great, where is she?"

"Right here," a voice said. Arthur turned around, and found himself face-to-face with Mary Moo Cow herself. Arthur backed up a bit, and stumbled off the table. _She's bigger in person!_

Arthur quickly got up, and steadied his glasses. The cow was still there, so he certainly wasn't just seeing things. Did she really answer his call? Then he grinned. This was perfect! If he beat her in front of the school, Bionic Bunny would get more respect!

Arthur cracked his knuckled. On the honor of his yellow shirt, and DW's late pet bird, he would vanquish Mary Moo Cow. As he took steps towards the cow, he noticed out of the corner of his eye that some of the kids were crying. Arthur chuckled. If they were crying now, wait until he was done with Mary Moo Cow!

Unfortunately, Arthur wasn't paying attention, so when he got decked by Mary, he fell down in shock, rubbing his face. That HURT! Actually, it wasn't that surprising (she had hard hooves) but still!

"Can you help me spell 'kick your butt'? Because that is what I am gonna do to you, brat!" Mary yelled as she jumped on Arthur, and began clobbering him. With each loud hit, Mary and the class spelled out the phrase. By the end, Arthur was bloodied, bruised, and humiliated. He ran off crying.

The class laughed. Arthur was such a baby! Mary laughed too, but more sinisterly.

"Hey, kids…want some candy?"

* * *

**Author's Notes**

Well. Not sure what I just wrote, lol. May do a follow up, if this fic becomes popular! :D


End file.
